The Engagment

Okay, so to tell everyone about our engagement...it was short. We had "officially" gotten together in December. While he was in California. On Christmas break. Yeah. I wasn't quite sure the whole "long distance" thing would work, but hey, I guess it did.
So about a month and a half into the relationship, I had this epiphany that Patrick was the "one". Now, if you really knew me, you would understand what a HUGE concept this was. I've always wanted to be married, but I was beginning to think that it would never happen. Plus, I always had this horse-being-put-to-bit thought flit through my head whenever I thought about marriage. I liked Patrick a lot and we had expressed our mutual love for one another, but I was so afraid of marriage. I was petrified that he would ask me and had no idea what I would say if he did. Plus I loved him to much to hurt him.
Well, all this freaking out about marriage was giving me anxiety attacks all the time. Seriously. I would be sitting in my truck and then start thinking about him and then all the other thoughts about love and marriage would bombard me and I'd be gripping the steering wheel and trying to gulp in air. It was horrible. I just didn't think I was ready, that I would make a good wife, that I could handle the responsibilities of marriage, that he loved me enough to ACTUALLY propose...
So I had been praying and thinking a lot about IF he did propose. I was driving somewhere and I started thinking about him, as usually happens about a million times a day, and miracle of all miracles, I didn't get attacked by all of the old thoughts. I had the calm, almost euphoric, feeling come over me and this little voice in my head saying, "Yes, you can." Yes, I can. Profound words considering the question I had been pondering in my heart.
After that, I pretty much had my mind made up on marrying him. But, if you know Pat, he'll take his sweet time doing something. I was beginning to get frustrated because we had been talking about marriage and contemplating it, but he had yet to get down on that knee. So I decided to make it easy for him and told him that it didn't matter if it was fancy, it could be as simple as holding my hand, walking right beside me and just asking away. No big right? Apparently it was.
I think it took another month for him to ask me and it came in the weirdest of moments. We were wrestling on the floor and out of the blue he put his hands on my face and asked if I would marry him. I was laughing and stopped abruptly to ask him if he was serious. He just kept holding my face and stared at me. Being the emotional person that I am, I immediately burst into tears and kissed him and made him wait a whole 2 seconds for my answer.